Pick up! Brothers Week of Bonding
by Gaara-no-Jo
Summary: Sequel to The Games We Play. Temari's gone away and left Kankurou and Gaara to their one devices. Will they behave themselves? Pffft. Not a chance with Kankurou around! Gaara do your best not to be corrupted! Temari's due home a little early!
1. Chapter 1

So I like Gaara and Kankurou to bond. So it tickles my Tanuki. You wanna fight about it? If not, feel free to read and review. If so… Uh… **-GNJ looks around, perplexed-** I dunno. Also: I'm aware that Sabakuno is not their cannon last name but hey, it's the closest thing we've got and it sounds good to me! This four part story is already written and will reveal itself daily. It's a sequel, kind of, to "The Games we Play."

This is pre-Gaara is Kazekage Era.

Kakko ii cool, stylish

* * *

Chapter 1: I'm fed up with stupid boys and their stupid messes!

The sound of video games blared through the living room of the home of the Sabakuno siblings. Kankurou twisted his body left and right as the samurai on the screen dodged all manner of projectiles and counterattacked at Kankurou's bidding. Gaara sat in the windowsill, staring out of the window, while Temari picked up clothes, swept, and otherwise tried to keep the house habitable.

"I could use a little help," she snapped as she glowered at the lazy bums. Gaara made no move but Kankurou paused his game and looked back, mischief seeping out of the corners of his ever-smirking mouth.

They stared are each other for a few seconds, then Kankurou took off his socks and dropped them on the floor, never losing eye contact with his sister. Temari dropped the pile of clothes in her arms and stalked over to the discarded socks. She picked them up, rolled them into a ball and shoved them into Kankurou's mouth.

"That's it! I am not the house slave. I am not your servant and as far as I'm concerned you two can live in a pigsty for the rest of your miserable lives!" She stormed over to the door and began to put on her sandals. "I am leaving and if I ever come back it'll be too soon!" She grabbed her fan and left in a huff. When she slammed the door, Kankurou flinched more from her inflamed temper than the noise.

He spat out the balled socks and looked at Gaara who looked back at him. "Good job, Gaara. You pissed her off." Gaara's response was narrowing his eyes at Kankurou in a dangerous indignation. "What?"

"Sometimes you pretend to be stupid, and sometimes you _are_ stupid, and it's becoming more and more difficult to tell the difference between the two," Gaara explained calmly. Kankurou merely smiled. His younger brother sighed at him and started to climb off the sill. Sand swirled out of his gourd and began to clear away some of the amassed junk that had accumulated throughout the day. Most of it was from Kankurou.

Kankurou turned off his game, reluctantly, I assure you, after saving his progress (of course) and decided to watch Gaara work. "She'll get over it. I'll do dishes or something tonight and she'll forget all about it." With that he hopped over the couch and went into the kitchen. The dishes were piled high in the sink and the counters could hardly be seen. A week's worth of crusted on food loomed over him, daring him to even try. Even the one or two flies seemed overwhelmed by it. Kankurou calmly walked back into the living room and tapped Gaara on the shoulder. "Yo, brat, do the dishes, I'll clean up in here."

Gaara rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen while Kankurou started picking up. Soon, Gaara returned and pushed Kankurou out of the way. "You're out of your mind. You said you'd do the dishes so go do them."

Kankurou shoved Gaara back. "No way, brat. You went to go do them so you willingly assumed the responsibility. They're your dishes now." The younger red-head pushed against his brother who braced himself and pushed back.

"DO THE DISHES! Half of them are yours anyway!"

"YOU DO THEM! Just sandblast them, idiot!"

"I'll show you a sandblast!" Gaara hissed as sand started to snake towards them. Kankurou moved quickly to the side, Gaara falling from the sudden loss of resistance but landing in a crouch on the floor, leaving him to glare up at his brother. They battled wills for a few tense seconds before Kankurou crossed his arms in guarded resentment.

"Fine! But you know if I have to do those dishes, they'll never get done, and Temari will be mad for the rest of week, and we'll have to hear her BITCH everyday and it's your fault for not realizing that I'm a selfish, irresponsible teenage boy!" Kankurou shouted, applying the reverse psychology on heavy (though even he had to admit that there was a twinge of truth).

Gaara stood up quickly. "… … By the time, I'm done with those dishes, this house better be spotless," he pressed. Kankurou grinned and saluted. Gaara stalked into the kitchen, swallowing his disgust, and began a violent rendition of washing dishes. The older boy held in his laughter and started shoving whatever was on the floor and would fit, under the couch and other hidden alcoves.

Four hours later, Gaara emerged from the kitchen then critically surveyed the living room. It indeed looked clean and Kankurou was again playing video games. He turned around and smiled. "Where ya been, squirt? I've been done hours ago." Sand again threatened to encase him in Sabaku Kyu but Kankurou interjected quickly, "Hey, isn't it weird Temari isn't back yet?"

Gaara stopped threatening his brother to look out at the window. It had already become dark and there were few people still milling the streets outside their home. The moon was rising and cold chill was settling across the desert village. "Yes… Perhaps she meant it when she said she wouldn't come back." Kankurou waved a hand dismissively and returned to his game but Gaara felt a twinge of concern that they had pushed her over the edge.

"You haven't heard from her either?" Kankurou said, swallowing his cereal. It was the next morning and Temari hadn't come home at all. When he awoke and found no warm breakfast greeting him, Kankurou had to admit he was worried. "What do you mean, what did I do? I didn't do anything, it was Gaara!"

Gaara snatched the phone away. "She left because WE," he glared at Kankurou, "didn't help her clean the house. She hasn't contacted us at all and she didn't come home last night. If you hear anything, Shikamaru, please let us know. … … … Thanks." Gaara cracked Kankurou in the head with the phone before hanging it up. "Can't you take anything seriously? She's missing."

Kankurou rubbed his head. "Hey, I'm responsible when I have to be and this isn't the first time Temari's 'runaway' from home. When she gets like this she takes a week off and then comes back in a better mood. … … Heeeey, you don't suppose Shika's banging our s-OW OW OW!" Gaara punched him in the head repeatedly. Though taijutsu, or physical combat, wasn't his specialty, he could still summon enough strength to get through to Kankurou's thick skull.

"Stop. Being. A. Pervert." He warned, punctuating each word with a timely attack.

"Hey, I said Shika not me! OW!"

He stopped wailing on his idiot older brother and gave him a warning look. "Stop." Gaara turned and went into the kitchen to fix himself breakfast. Kankurou peered after him and went to reach for the phone. "I CAN STILL SEE YOU!" Peering to the left, Kankurou saw an eye made of sand glaring at him. "SHIKAMARU IS NOT 'BANGING' OUR SISTER!" The eye exploded with Gaara's enraged statement, causing Kankurou to flinch.

"Fine." He sat back in the chair. "Since she's practically a dog anyway, _Kiba's_ banging our sister." Gaara ran out of the kitchen and slid along the ground, kicking the back legs of the chair. Kankurou was leaning backwards and the sudden displacement of the chair caused him to go tumbling to the ground.

Gaara crouched over him, clenching his fist. "No one… Look at me, Kankurou." He pointed a thin finger at his brother. "Is banging our sister. She goes to let off steam, you stupid, stupid pig-eared idiot. She'll be back in a week and until then we keep this house spotless."

Kankurou put his hands behind his head, pretending to ignore the dull ache forming. "Fine. No one's plowing our sister." Gaara wasn't sure whether or not to kick him for being a pervert, so he nudged him warningly with a toe. "But why shouldn't we let off some steam too. We'll clean the house before she comes home but why not have a good time until then."

Gaara narrowed his eyes. "No parties."

"No parties." They stared at each other for a few seconds and Gaara let him up. Kankurou grinned and ran to the stereo and picked up the microphone they (read: Kankurou) used for karaoke. "Good Morning, this is Kakko-ii Kankurou, on the radio today. My co-host is "I have sand up my ass" Gaara. Gaara say, hello to the folks out there.

Glare.

"And so begins the first annual "Temari's Thrown a Piss Fit and Left Her Brothers Bonding week. Events include, staying up late, sleeping late…"

Glare.

"For some of us, at least." He added with a hint of humor. "Eating junk food, playing video games, and not doing girl jobs, like cleaning, cooking, and getting plowed by losers from Konoha."

A glare and tendril of sand snaking to spear Kankurou.

"Okay! Okay… we can get plowed by losers from Konoha, too."

"KANKUROU!" The older boy had already dropped the mic and was over the couch before Gaara's sand finally tracked him down and grabbed him. "I told you not to say that!"

"I'm kidding. Geez! If I really thought someone was poking our sister, I'd be the first to kill them and dump their bodies in the desert somewhere." Gaara let him go, satisfied. "Anyway," He hopped over the back of the couch, grabbed a CD from the stack, and popped it in. "We should start with a song…" He scanned through the titles before finally it started.

"NO BOY, NO CRY! 1,2,3! GO!" He jumped on the coffee table and started singing. "SHOUNEN YO! KIITE KURE!" He pointed at Gaara who was glaring at him in return. The young boy was becoming tired of having to glare so intensely for so long but acknowledged that any amount of time spent with his brother demanded that someone be aggravated enough to keep him in line.

"Turn it down!" Gaara tried to yell over the music and his idiot brother. Kankurou however was too busy dancing and air guitaring. Gaara went over to the radio and turned it off. "Are you insane? We don't know where Temari is and we should find out."

Kankurou sighed and jumped off the coffee table. "Whatever. We'll ask Baki if he's seen her." He walked back to the phone and dialed that number. "… … Oi, Baki-sensei. Have you seen Temari?" There was a long pause, a few nods, and finally a quirked eyebrow. "… … Seriously? … …When will she be back? … … Two weeks? Oh…Oh, it's not a problem at all… No, we're fine. I just wish she had told us… I understand. Thank you. Yes, sir. Thanks again." Kankurou hung up and turned around. "She got recruited for a freaking mission! She'll be away for two weeks and we totally have an extra week to ourselves! We should find a temple and thank the gods for such good luck."

Gaara seemed to consider this information. "I still say we shouldn't be irresponsible. If we behave the whole time-"

"Who will know?"

"We will."

"And…we…care?" He asked honestly confused. Why would someone insinuate something so silly? Kankurou, at least, held no pride in behaving himself when no one was there to reward the behavior. Gaara might but Kankurou long learned the joyous sins of being naughty, especially when there was no one the wiser.

Gaara looked away and wrestled with his thoughts. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. The problem now was convincing Kankurou that it was in the best interest no to cause trouble but that was almost an impossible task. It seemed the older boy was hell bent on 'bonding' and it fell on Gaara to mitigate the damage.

"We could have the time of our lives, clean the house before she gets back, say we didn't do anything, and she'll be impressed because she'll have no clue that we've been cutting loose."

"What if it's a trap?"

Kankurou rolled his eyes. "Temari isn't going to set an elaborate trap to find out we've been irresponsible. She knows we're irresponsible, stupid, or else she wouldn't have been so happy to skip out on us." He held out his hand. "What happens in this house, for the next two weeks, stays in this house." Gaara stared at the hand.

"Think, Gaara. You can eat ice cream until it's coming out of your ears. Live your wildest fantasies, face your greatest fears, and no one will know but me and I'm not going to tell if you don't rat out on me."

Gaara firmly took his hand and shook it with a suddenness that surprised Kankurou. "Fine. But if this blows up in our faces, I'm killing you and taking your room."

"Consider it a deal."

* * *

What did you think? Tommorow chapter 2 will be revealed! Read and Review, ne! 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the comments and reviews! Please keep them coming and let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions!

* * *

Chatper 2: I didn't know that…

It was three days into their 'holiday' and so far little had occurred that Gaara could label as out of the ordinary. Kankurou sequestered himself to the couch to complete the video game that had been plaguing his existence for the past week. They continued to train under Baki's vigilance but without Temari it seemed that things moved faster and they were often given an extra hour to themselves. Once, they even completed a simple D-rank mission for extra cash but other than that Kankurou left Gaara to his own devices which was reading, star gazing, and introspective meditation.

So it surprised the young boy when Kankurou climbed the roof, already in his pajamas, to sit next to Gaara on the cool starlit night to talk. Gaara was instantly on his guard against something stupid. He had little patience for potty humor and perversion.

"Do you have any crushes? Like… do you even like girls?" Kankurou asked, staring up at the clear night sky? The question wasn't mocking and seemed to be of genuine interest.

"Of course I like girls…" Gaara snapped. He could feel his cheeks and ears begin to burn with embarrassment. "But… I don't like any girl in particular. Most are afraid of me, anyway."

"Yeah, that's gotta suck. I like all kinds of girls but I'm not mature enough to take a relationship seriously. I'm too young for that anyway," Kankurou replied conversationally. Gaara blinked and shifted uncomfortably. He scanned his tone for an ulterior motive but couldn't sense anything outright.

"You seem that type," he agreed finally.

Kankurou nodded. "You seem the type that would be a good boyfriend, though. Even though you're a little psycho, you're pretty attached to us and I can tell you like Temari."

Gaara ignored the barb about his sanity and blushed profusely. "I…I don't like Temari like that!"

"You doooo. You have a baby brother crush on your sister," Kankurou teased, grinning. "You do whatever she tells you to do and you never threaten to kill her to her face."

It was true that of the two siblings, Gaara favored Temari more, but to imply that he was sweet on her? It was appalling and completely untrue, as far as he was concerned. Though, suddenly, he found himself very concerned that he had some suppressed psychological incestuous desire for his older sister. It was unnerving.

"I don't mean you want to bang her, twerp," Kankurou interjected, perhaps reading Gaara's thoughts through the twitching in his face. "I mean, she's your type of girl, is all."

Relieved, Gaara shook his head. "Not really… She's just…" He paused. "I mean some of the time, I… You're stupid!" He punctuated too embarrassed to continue. He was afraid that any further explanation would support his supposed suppressed psychological incestuous desire.

Kankurou chuckled and pulled his right leg up. "Dork, I don't know why you're getting embarrassed." There was a lull in the conversation, the kind that begged a topic change, a segue way. "Say, I caught Shika kissing Temari a while back. Did you know they were that serious?"

"No," Gaara stated shortly. He couldn't hide the disapproval in his voice.

"Jealous."

"I AM NOT JEALOUS!" He shouted so loudly that is echoed over the rooftops, mocking him each time it repeated 'jealous, jealous, jealous'. He blushed more and scrambled back into the house to escape the echo and the conversation. However, Kankurou followed.

"You're jealous. You don't like the idea of some guy feeling up our sister."

Gaara went to the kitchen, which had accumulated even more dishes, and began scavenging the shelves. "He's my age! There's no way they're serious and he is not 'feeling up out sister'! If they were kissing, it's…. gross."

Kankurou looked at the ceiling as he perused his memories. "I dunno. There was definitely tongue involved, so it was pretty serious."

"Tongue! WHAT!" Gaara stared at him with a mixture of shock and disgust.

The older boy smiled dangerously and chuckled. "That's right," he crooned. "You don't know about kissing girls…" Gaara narrowed his eyes again and shrank back from his brother as though he were about to unleash a dangerous jutsu. "When you kiss a girl you like," Kankurou began to explain, "just as a friend or not seriously, you kiss her on the cheek or lightly on the lips." He put a finger to his own lips to illustrate.

"If it's more serious…" Kankurou walked over, Gaara recoiled nervously, "You take a girl's face in your hands like this…" He placed a hand on either of Gaara's cheeks. "Stare into her eyes… and… " He turned Gaara's head and licked his face. The younger boy immediately screamed and pushed Kankurou away, pretending to gag. He made a couple of half hearted swipes at him but was too busy trying to wipe the cooties off of his face. In the end, he assumed the burning on his cheek, where he rubbed so hard a red mark developed, meant that he had eradicated the icky feeling from being licked.

Kankurou laughed so hard he dropped to the floor. "That was worth it for the reaction! Kankurou-one! Gaara- big fat zero!" He continued to laugh under the hateful gaze of Gaara.

"I knew you were stupid and I knew you were making it up!" He snapped.

Kankurou crossed his legs and grinned. "I am not stupid and I am not making it up. Shika kissed Temari… with tongue. They're serious." He nodded.

Gaara sat down before his brother and rested his chin on his crossed fingers, examining Kankurou with a strong seriousness. He chose his next words carefully. "So… you're saying that Shikamaru had his tongue in Temari's mouth."

"Yes."

"And that that's a very serious kiss."

"The _most_ serious kiss."

"And she let him?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to kill him."

"Jealous."

"I AM NOT!"

Kankurou laughed again. "Anyway, you have to admit that Shikamaru's pretty mature for his age. Women like guys like that, which again surprises me about you. You'd be great for a boyfriend."

Gaara considered this and then considered his source. Could he trust Kankurou as a source for such important information? He was immature, irresponsible, and inconsiderate. However, this was one of the few subjects that he seemed to speak with unwavering confidence.

"Girls like guys… like me?"

"Oh most definitely! I'm great for a fling, but guys like you… you're keepers."

"So… I could get a girlfriend?"

"If you weren't a creepy little psycho," he waved his hand and rolled his eyes, "Kid, you'd have more girls than me."

Gaara rubbed his chin. This information was extremely serious! More girls than Kankurou? Why… that was… seven times four, give or take two or three… Wait. One night stands probably don't count… Even still! That was a lot of girls!

"Dammit! Why do I have to be a creepy, little psycho?" He gripped his hair in anguish and fell back to writhe in misery.

Kankurou patted his knee. "There, there. There's still hope for you yet." Gaara sat up. "Become Kazekage and girls with forget you're creepy, little psycho."

"I'm doomed."

"Then find a girl from Konoha."

"I thought people from Konoha were losers."

"Konoha girls are easy though."

"Easy?"

"Easy."

"Like…how easy?" Gaara turned his head suspiciously. He couldn't believe he was even considering the idea but it was only for future reference, he kept telling himself. A ninja had to know as much as he could about potential enemies and while he couldn't immediately justify knowing just how easy Konoha girls were or weren't, he was sure that it was important.

"Like…walking up a wall easy."

"Next time I go to Konoha, I'm going to get laid." Gaara slapped his hands over his mouth as soon as the words escaped his mouth. "I didn't mean that… It's the Shukaku talking!" Kankurou grinned. "SHUT UP!" He pointed at his younger brother accusingly. "You're a bad influence on me!"

"I knew it, you little pervert! Deep down under that sand and shit and chakra was puberty!" Kankurou slapped his knee and laughed. "Okay, okay. Ask me anything!"

"I don't want to know!" Gaara snapped. "I'm fine not knowing."

"How to unsnap a girl's bra with one hand?"

Gaara closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm a ninja, Kankurou, I can unlock a safe by looking at it."

Kankurou stood up. "Wait here." He ran off without waiting for a reply. Gaara could hear him ascend the stairs and rummage about the second floor above him. Soon, the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs and Kankurou appeared with a large stuffed animal with a lacy bra strapped around it.

"What the hell! Kankurou, you idiot!"

"Here, take it off and prove me wrong about you, O Ninja Master," he jeered. Gaara grabbed the animal and tried to peek around it to see what he was doing. "No looking! Most of the time, she'll still have her shirt on or you'll be too busy tasting what she had for lunch." Gaara sighed and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and groped around the straps.

Just by feel, there were a lot of metal attachments and rows. He furrowed his brows and struggled with the series of latches and loops. After a minute or so with no results, he shoved the bedecked bear back at Kankurou. "You do it."

"Okay. In. Out. Done." In the time that he said those three words, he had the bra unlatched and raised his hands in victory.

"Genjutsu," Gaara accused, glaring at his brother.

"No, little Grasshopper." He closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips together, assuming the air of a wise sage. "If you wish to learn the proper technique, you must pledge to trust my knowledge and training. There are many things I can teach you but you must be willing."

Gaara looked at the bear and then the bra lying beside it. Konoha girls, bras, kissing with tongues… If he became Kazekage… surely he would have to know these things. They were basic male knowledge, right? Was he a pervert, like his brother? Surely not! He simply wanted to know these things to supplement his knowledge of the working world- a look into the simple but complex worlds of idiots!

He pressed his head to the cold floor in a bow. "Teach me… Master." Kankurou smiled.

"Then let us begin."

For the rest of the night, well into the early morning Kankurou explained everything he knew about bras, girls, kissing, dating, breaking-up, and flirting. When the older boy retired to his bed, Gaara could unhook a bra unconsciously; tell what manner of undergarments a girl was wearing and what color. He knew as many techniques for kissing as he knew hand seal combinations and deduced that girls made no sense at all and that he did not understand their mysterious mental workings. By his own admission, Kankurou agreed that he felt the same way and suggested they should try to drag the information out of Temari.

It would probably be classified as an S-rank mission.

Gaara stared at the sky, as it turned from purple to orange. There were no clouds and a few stars continued to fight for their right to twinkle far to the west. His mind was still buzzing from the intense lesson he received.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the already warming air of the morn and exhaled. "Thank you, Kankurou…" _I'm going to be an amazing Kazekage._

* * *

Chapter Three will come tomorrow! Stay tuned for this humorous series and, as always, read and review! You're comments help me know how I'm doing!_  
_


	3. Chapter 3

As promised, Chapter three!

Pichi pichi Japanese onomatopoeia for something bouncy… … like boobs.

* * *

Chapter 3: That is not a cat.

The first week of bonding ended. The house was unrecognizable. At some point the floor, disappeared underneath a pile of clothes, pizza boxes, food wrappings, games, and something neither of them could recognize but left because it might be intelligent life.

At some point they even ran out of clothes and resorted to their summer yukata. Kankurou remarked that they weren't being lazy since they had every intention of doing the laundry, but rather it was a perfect chance to experience something cultural. At that point, Gaara was too deeply entrenched into his brother's world of debauchery and didn't feel like doing chores if he were the only one to them.

They had taken to perching on the roof of their home, Gaara's usual haunt anyways but Kankurou soon discovered the merits of the isolated perch. One was that it was quiet and easy to hold a conversation; another more notable merit was that the attractive and single brunette two blocks away left her window wide open. After one particular night, a slack-jawed, red-faced Gaara had to admit that it was a merit worth considering. Though, for one reason or another, he never looked that way for long without blushing.

"I wish," Kankurou began, lying on his back. "I was like a superhero, with special powers like, X-ray vision."

"Hyuuga Neji," Gaara simply said.

"Or super strength."

"Rock Lee."

He stopped and thought harder… "The ability…to fly-y."

"Temari flies sometimes."

"Magical powers."

"Ninjutsu." Gaara pulled his knee up and rested his chin on it.

"Psychic powers."

"Genjutsu."

"Change shapes."

"Henge."

"Shit… What does that mean, Gaara? That we're some… special elite caste of high-powered individuals left to forever sway the forces in the cosmic battle of good and evil!"

"Um… we're… ninjas, Kankurou. That's what we do." They turned their heads towards each other and considered each other. At some invisible cue, they turned away and looked back up at the stars.

"Oh… yeah. That's kind of awesome." Kankurou chuckled then asked, "Do you remember a while ago when you pretended to be a baby?" Gaara gave a short laugh in response. "Evil little bastard."

"Yeah, _that_ was kind of awesome."

They fell silent to reminisce on that event. Temari had somehow managed to convince Gaara that a game of pretend was a good idea. Gaara pretended to be some manner of infant and proceeded to torment Kankurou with a relived child-hood. In the end, the whole event, much to the amusement of Temari, brought them closer, paving the way for this two-week long event.

Kankurou reached out as if the grasp one of the stars, gave up, and put his hands back behind his head. "People are like stars. There's too many of them to count but if one suddenly disappears, it leaves a deep black space… a void."

Gaara looked at him. His brother's green eyes stared into the black spaces between the stars, his mouth seemed to always settle into a smile, as if there was a constant joke that only he was privy to. Over the years, he paid little attention to him but now he was acutely aware of how Kankurou was maturing. His face was losing its childish roundness and was settling into the sharp angles of manhood.

"That surprisingly deep of you, Kankurou," Gaara said softly.

And so Kankurou farted loudly and grinned. "That's gonna stink so hold your breath." And in one singular moment, the praise vanished and the notoriety took its gleaming place.

"I hate you."

Kankurou suddenly got up and proceeded to go inside the house. Gaara continued to sit outdoors, admiring the scenery (minus the east since a certain woman lived there) but soon followed his brother. Inside Kankurou was sitting on a mound of clothes like a bean bag, twirling the phone in his right hand, and flipping through a phone book with his left.

"What are you doing?" Gaara asked with trepidation in his voice. Kankurou knew by heart all the phone numbers to every restaurant they frequented and every friend he or Temari knew. So it was natural that he would be worried when Kankurou, a phone, and phone book were in the same space.

Kankurou pointed to one number and looked at Gaara, smirking. "Come 'ere, brat." With slow and measured steps, Gaara approached and knelt before Kankurou like he was a wild cat- loose and unpredictable. He began dialing a number and the phone began to ring. At the sound of the phone being lifted, he tossed it to Gaara and raised his fingers in a steeple.

"_Hello, this is Haruka,"_ a disembodied woman's voice on the other ended chimed.

"Now, Grasshopper, use everything I taught you."

Gaara's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, uh…a moment, I'm sorry." He clasped his hand over the mouthpiece. "_Are you crazy! _ Who is this girl?"

"Pichi-pichi-chan, of course." Pichi-pichi was the name Kankurou gave to the attractive girl from their rooftop sessions, named for way her breasts bounced when she danced in front of the window.

Gaara cursed harshly under his breath, making an oath to kill his brother at the end of the call. "Ah, hello Pich-aaah, Ms. Haruka. This is…um Gaara, the… Kazekage's son…" He took the phone away and cursed vehemently.

"_Oh! Wow, what an honor! I can't believe- Wait, am I in trouble?"_

"No! No no no! Nothing like that it's just that…I…live nearby…"

"_Oh yeah, you do! You sit on your roof!"_

"Yes. Um…I can't see you dancing from my roof, so I wanted to warn you that you should close your blinds or something," Gaara ignored Kankurou's frantic attempts to steal the phone and kept him at bay with his foot.

"_Oh wow, I'm so embarrassed! Thank you, Gaara-sama for warning me! Oh, I hope you didn't see me fall out of my shirt a few days ago."_

Kankurou gave a two thumbs up at this and Gaara blushed but somehow managed to glare too. "Uh…No," he lied. "Luckily, I did not see that. I mean! Lucky for you but not lucky for me…" He yanked the phone away and delivered another long string of curses. He shoved the phone at his brother. "Pretend to be me!"

"WHAT?"

"Pretend to be me," he stated. "I need to recoup!" He gave the phone to Kankurou and began to bite his nails, sweat beading on his forehead as he contemplated what to say next. Damn Kankurou! Surely, he would kill him for this. Yes, a very painful death.

But the older boy was just as flustered as his younger brother when it came his time to talk.

"_Hello?_"

"Oh, sorry! I had to feed my…cat…" Gaara shot him a horrified look and took the phone away.

"'_Feed my cat'?_ We don't _have_ a cat!"

"What was I supposed to say!" The two panicked boys put their ears to the earpiece.

"_-but I haven't had a cat in years. Can you guys drop by?_

"Sure!" Kankurou exclaimed enthusiastically.

"_Great! And bring your cat! Bye bye!" _With a click the phone conversation ended.

Kankurou jumped up and performed a victory dance. "We are going to a hottie's house!" he sing-songed.

Gaara stood up and calmly hung the phone back onto its receiver. "Kankurou… We have no clean clothes and she wants to see our cat…"

He looked around and scratched the back of his head, contemplating Gaara's words. "So we'll find something. I'm sure we have something lying around here that doesn't smell too bad. We'll just use cologne or something."

"Okay… and she wants to see our cat. Our cat, Kankurou." He approached his brother and adjusted the collar on his yukata. "You know?" He gripped the collar firmly in his hands and pulled his brother down to his level. "The one WE DO NOT HAVE!" He punched him in the ribs harshly.

Kankurou grimaced and looked about the devastation that was their home for an answer. There were stray cats all over the village but they were mostly wild and vicious due to the harsh circumstances of desert living. Neither of them knew any genjutsu, so tricking the vixen into seeing a cat was out of the question.

When all seemed lost, Kankurou thought of something that had nearly escaped his memory. "I've got it." He rushed over to the TV and started tearing through a pile of garbage. Gaara watched certain that anything Kankurou had planned was doomed to fail. With an exuberant 'aha!' Kankurou spun around lifting a black mass of fur.

Gaara blinked. "What is it?"

"It's a cat!" Kankurou hesitated. "I think."

Gaara walked over to the bulge of fur and examined it. It was warm but it could be that the trash covering it had an insulating effect and it _was_ lying by the TV. It had no discernible face or legs. To him, it was something that had just crawled out of the primordial ooze and had yet to decide what animal it should be.

"That's not a cat."

The ball of fur let out a noise. Kankurou nearly dropped the thing and Gaara reached for a shuriken lying in between the cushions of the couch. Again the thing affirmed its existence with a strange, grating "rrrroooowwrr". Kankurou twisted the ball around, failing to find a head.

"What the hell was that?"

Kankurou gave him an annoyed look. "It meowed stupid."

"That wasn't a meow! That is not a cat!" Gaara exclaimed, dropping back to look for clean clothes.

His brother shrugged and dropped the furball on the couch. It shivered then skittered across to the other side of the couch and lay still. The both watched it with horror before resuming their search for clean clothes.

Kankurou pulled out a pair of underwear and gave them a sniff. He puzzled over them, turning them around much like he had done the 'cat' and shoved them at Gaara. "Do these smell okay?"

"GROSS!" Gaara fell backwards and smacked the underwear out of his hand. "I don't want to smell your stinky butt! Smell them yourself!"

Eventually they found clothing, though they applied a spray of cologne just in case, and grabbed the awkward sounding 'cat' and headed out the door. The entire walk, Kankurou continued to coach Gaara on the ins-and-outs of girls and threatened him not to ruin this for him. Gaara quickly pointed out that Kankurou had called Haruka for _his_ sake and that Kankurou should not ruin this for _him_. They were still at that impasse when they reached her door.

Haruka opened the door wearing a nice shirt and skirt and greeted them in. Gaara felt a twinge of guilt that Haruka's was the first clean house he had seen in a week, in spite of having hardly left his own. She encouraged them to sit around a low table and poured them tea. Kankurou set their animal on the floor beside him.

"I'm so glad to meet you!" She exclaimed. "It's a real honor. The girls won't believe that the Kazekage's sons called me up so suddenly." She laughed and started to lay out some pastries for them to eat with their tea.

Kankurou's eyes were firmly affixed to her chest and he did not hide his smile at all. "Oh, it's nothing. Our Gaara is actually a very caring person and he told me how concerned he was for you. Isn't that right, Gaara?"

Gaara sat rigidly in his seat, reciting jutsu techniques in his head to keep from blushing or even worse staring at the very things that gave Haruka the nickname "pichi-pichi". He gave a curt nod and uttered, "Uh huh."

She bowed at her seat and touched her cheek lightly. "I'm so sorry that you could see me. I practice dancing everyday and I never thought that anyone could see me. I wonder why no one told me until now." Kankurou and Gaara stole a glance at each other. Each was sure of the answer and certain that they would make quite a few enemies for spilling the beans.

"Don't mention it," Kankurou said waving his hand dismissively, though he certainly meant it.. "We just thought it was our civic duty or something. Say, do you have a boyfriend? Ow!" His hand went instinctively to his back. He could feel grains of sand retreating to the floor.

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

"Yeah, fine. Just… a training injury," he said through gritted teeth. He stared hard at Gaara who continued to look forward.

"Ah. Oh! Your cat!" She scuttled over to the furball and lifted it. They watched her smile shake as she too tried to find the source of the pained 'rowr' but were surprised when she actually found it! "OH! It's definitely a longhaired exotic Persian! You're so lucky to have such a rare cat!"

The two brothers looked aghast that the _thing_ had a proper name. It was a something now. Exotic was not how they would describe the beast. They looked at each other to confirm that they felt the same way and shrugged at the circumstances, while Haruka prattled away about her knowledge of cats.

"So what's his name?"

They hesitated. Kankurou's mouth opened and closed like a fish. "Fluffy," Gaara blurted out. "Because he's…fluffy."

"Yes! It's not creative but Temari named him," Kankurou agreed nodding. Haruka seemed pleased and held on to "Fluffy" for the remainder of the night.

The three talked well until three at night and reluctantly said their farewells- Kankurou and Gaara sad to leave Haruka and Haruka remorseful at sending off Fluffy.

The next day the two found themselves in their underwear on the couch, Fluffy perched a top Kankurou's head like a coonskin cap. Someone's stomach rumbled and it was agreed that somehow they had to find breakfast.

Kankurou rummaged under the couch and found a slice of pizza, cold and discolored and began eating it. Gaara scavenged the nearly empty refrigerator and came out with something left over that neither would touch. These were dire times and dire measures had to be taken.

The phone rang, startling Fluffy who made that god-awful noise in response. Kankurou grunted and scratched his gut. Gaara ignored the ring as well. Neither could find the phone anyway.

The answering machine picked up the call and they heard a familiar voice calling out to them. _"Kankurou? Gaara? Where are you jerks? Well, anyway I'm on my way home. I'm about five hours away so the house better be clean, by the way or terrible…terrible things will happen. Bye bye!_" Silence.

They looked around the room.

Fluffy made a pained mew and Gaara and Kankurou started to scream in terror.


	4. Chapter 4

I appreciate the response this had gotten! Thank you and here is the final chapter. I hope you've all enjoyed this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I look forward to writing some other tales and finishing some too!

* * *

Chapter 4: We're screwed.

Kankurou's face contorted in a pained cry. "WE'RE SCREWED!"

They jumped up and ran around the couch, meeting behind it and screamed so more, gripping each other and shaking each other in senseless panic. The mess was enormous and they had been sure that they had five days not five hours to clear it out. Now they had to perform a miracle to end all miracles or they would never live to see another day.

Gaara grabbed Kankurou in an attempt to calm him. "Okay, okay. Shut up, you stupid, _stupid,_ irresponsible, fucking moron. You got us into this mess, so you're taking the fall!"

"You went along with it! And you're supposed to be the responsible one!" He accused right back. "You should take the fall for being a stupid, stupid, irresponsible," he sputtered for a moment. "CREEPY BASTARD!"

Gaara shook his head. "Look, Kankurou, I understand you're a fool but I'll kill you _after_ we've cleaned up this mess! We're ninja. We should be able to clean this house in one hour, much less five. So let's make a plan."

"We need groceries," Kankurou blurted out. "That'll take an hour alone. I'll go do that."

"No! The house takes priority!" Gaara slapped him. "Think, you idiot! We haven't seen the floor in a week!"

They struggled with the logistics of clearing the house. "Laundry," Kankurou said suddenly. "Once we get the clothes out of the way, the rest should mostly be trash.

"Yes and then we can vacuum."

"Someone should do the bathrooms…" Immediately they tossed down a few games of rock paper scissors; Gaara won two out of three.

"While you're doing that, I'll get groceries," Gaara offered. Kankurou nodded and they dashed off to perform their duties. Never have ninjas moved so fast as they began sorting the trash from the treasure.

Fluffy watch them languidly from his perch on top of the TV. Occasionally the two boys would collide but they'd bounce right off of each other and dash to the next thing. After they had sorted the clothes it became apparent that they would never finish every load in the allotted time.

"WE'RE SCREWED!" Kankurou screamed. Gaara slapped him again. "Thank you."

"Laundromat," Gaara stated firmly. And they were off. Thankfully it was a slow day and the confused manager watched the boys take up five or six of her washing machines before dashing out in a panicked blur.

When they returned home, they could see about a fourth of the floor.

Progress.

Then came the task of sorting the trash. Gaara was amazed that the different varieties of 'gross' that he discovered living under and around the couch, where they spent most of their week. At some point, Kankurou got a shovel and began shoveling garbage into a bag. A bit unorthodox, Gaara thought, but very effective and even deigned to nod in approval. When they had finished that task, they only had two hours remaining and a mountain of trash bags looming over them.

Gaara considered this predicament. Temari could not see dozens of bags or she would know what was up. "Kankurou, disperse this trash around the neighborhood. I'll straighten up," he said with all the command and stability of a leader.

"Why do I have to do the dirty work!" To answer him Gaara summoned the sand around him and began straightening everything that was askew in one motion. Kankurou was without argument. "Damn you."

While Gaara's sand did his bidding, Kankurou worked as the opposite of a trashman. On the return trip, he again shocked the Laundromat manager by putting the now washed clothes in the dryer and dashing back to their home. Now the house looked how Temari had left it but that wasn't good enough. She wanted the house clean.

No one ever said that she was reasonable.

"Bathrooms," Kankurou said not stopping as he ran through the door.

"Groceries," Gaara replied running out.

At the Grocery store Gaara realized he had no idea what to buy and simply went up and down the aisles letting his sand grab one of everything. Kankurou donned his raincoat, yellow latex gloves and Karasu as he kicked in the bathroom door, ready for battle. Karasu's arms were working up a sudsy fury while Gaara was downstairs using his manipulation of sand to stock the cabinets and refrigerator like the maniac he was.

The clock gave an ominous ding-dong that warned them that they had thirty minutes to live or die.

From then on work was even more desperate and furious. Kankurou practically flew down the stairs and grabbed the vacuum. Gaara dashed out of the door and came back in record time with a cart made of sand carrying their laundry. Kankurou abandoned vacuuming to fold and Gaara picked up where he left off. Eventually, Kankurou used both of his puppets to get the job done.

Time was quickly becoming their enemy. Every time they heard footsteps walk past their door they would freeze like frightened deer before resuming their frantic pace. They hardly spoke to one another finding that chit-chat took too much time and spoke in one word phrases that only they could decipher.

Temari meanwhile had entered the village and was heading home. She enjoyed her mission with a few other girls and felt only slightly guilty that she hadn't returned home to tell her two brothers that she would be gone.

She had already delivered her report to Baki and the older teacher had told her how they had called looking for her seemingly worried. Still she could not shake her feeling of irritation. She was sure that when she opened the door what awaited her was a mess that _she_ would have to clean up. With that in mind she quickened her pace. If she started early, she might be able to finish by dinnertime.

As Temari drew nearer to the house she thought she could hear the sounds of them milling about inside. They were probably trying to clean up before she got in the house. Fools, she thought. She ran to the door and swung it open, running into the living room. Kankurou and Gaara were right where she had left them. Kankurou was playing a video game on the couch and Gaara was in the window staring out with bored resignation.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and looked underneath the couch. There weren't even dust bunnies there to greet her. The house was suspiciously immaculate. She ran over to the closet and swung it open. The jackets and shoes were neatly arranged. Slowly she closed the door, shooting them a look. Neither stirred.

She inspected the kitchen. The cabinets were stocked, dishes were clean and stacked neatly, and the refrigerator had been cleaned and stocked full as well. The floors were clean enough to eat off of, which Kankurou did on the occasion, so that was good. She exited the kitchen and walked to the stairs never taking her eyes off of them as she did so.

"This better not be a genjutsu," she warned. Kankurou shrugged.

Temari ran to her room. Nothing was out of place. Even her diary was still locked away. Gaara's room was clean and most suspiciously, Kankurou's room was clean. The bathroom sparkled and looked like an ad in a magazine. Something was definitely up.

She walked down the stairs and stood in front of the TV. "How did you do it? Who did you hire and how much did you pay them?"

Kankurou leaned to the side to see around her and gave an annoyed scoff. "What are you talking about? It's been like this since you left," he lied without conviction.

"LIAR! There isn't a clean bone in your body!" She turned and looked at Gaara. "Well?"

Gaara turned his head and gave her his usual emotionless gaze. "Well, what? You heard him. We cleaned up after you left and it's been this way all week. Stop overreacting."

"Yeah, dog-face, have some freaking faith in us."

"_Rrrrooowwwr."_ Temari looked down and watched a mouse run away from a black mound of fur. She screamed and jumped onto the couch, scrambling over Kankurou, who tried to dislodge her with supreme irritation.

"What the hell was that!"

Kankurou saved his game and turned it off, assuming that he'd never get anything done with his idiot sister screaming and accusing them of stuff. "It's a mouse. Stop being a girl."

"Not that! _That!_" She pointed to Fluffy, who peered under a table, swishing his tail.

"It's a cat," Kankurou explained. "You like cats."

Temari gave him a look that said she thought he was an idiot. "That is not a cat."

Gaara looked justified.

Kankurou picked up the furry fuzzball and handed it to an unsure Temari. "It's a rare exotic breed, you idiot. We found him so we decided to give him a good home. His name is Fluffy."

Temari sat down on the couch in disbelief. It was though she had entered some strange alternate dimension where here brothers were responsible and she had a mutant cat on her lap. Somehow she had managed to scare her brothers into keeping the house clean. It seemed like things were finally beginning to change.

"So did you get humped by Shikamaru?" Kankurou called from the kitchen.

Some things, however, did not.


End file.
